Recently I asked on my Instagram what sort of topics you would like to see me cover and I got a few interesting responses that I'm going to work my way through. A really interesting topic that someone suggested was to discuss some relationship and dating advice.
I had a little think about it and decided I wanted to make a video (see at the bottom of this post) explaining my top tips for both single ladies looking for a relationship but also for those in long term relationships looking to enhance what they have!
1. Know what traits in a man you are looking for.
I think you can work out exactly what you want in a relationship just by working out who you are, what you like, what gives you happiness and how you feel most loved. You don't need to date around to work this out, you just need to reflect and think.
It's important to know that we can have a list of ideal things that we want our partner to have but realistically no one is perfect and sometimes by having a list too long of what your ideal man is, you could be completely shutting out people who would be perfect for you. So, try to avoid having a checklist, think of it more as a guide as to what you want.
2. Differentiate between love and lust
It is important that you seek out the qualities in men that will lead to a happy, long term relationship rather than just following lust.
That being said, you can have lust and love at the same time and ideally that is the perfect situation. However, when lust is followed separate from love that is where peoples feelings may end up getting hurt!
3. Ignore unrealistic ideals presented on media
To really find a happy, long term relationship and live in the moment, you need to ignore the ideas that are presented to you on social media, TV and Netflix series. There are some crazy standards out there which can lead to unrealistic expectations about what a relationship actually looks like. Learn to appreciate men for what they really are rather than an overly romantic and hollywood-esque style fantasy.
4. Stop trying to change someone
Lose any idea that you think you can change someone, either love someone exactly how they are, or they aren't the person for you. This goes hand in hand with my previous point about not looking to tv for relationship guidance as, a lot of the time, they will portray "the bad guy" as the one who is the most worthy love interest. This all stems down to the fact that we want to believe that we can change a bad guy and that we can be the ones that they settle down with because it gives you a feeling that you're special and you're different. It can be quite difficult to get out of that mindset but really, you just can't change someone just because you want to.
5. Drop your own entitlement
Many people have a huge list of what they want in a relationship and what they want in a partner but they're not actually looking within themselves at what they're bringing into a relationship. Some ladies may dismiss a guy based on certain factors without looking within themselves at what they bring to the table.
It's so important that we remember that how we treat other people ultimately influences how people treat us back. For example, a really masculine guy could be completely emasculated by a lady that is constantly nagging and putting him down. In this situation the woman may think the problem is with the guy and he is 'just not masculine enough' but maybe she needs to look at what she is doing?
6. Strengthen your own morals, character and loyalty.
Before you settle down you really need to understand your intentions, your morals and also you need to get firm with your loyalty. We currently live in throwaway culture where if we're not 100% happy at all times or there's a little dip in the road we are encouraged to just throw that relationship away and move on to a better one. It's really important to know before you get into a relationship and before you settle down that long term that relationships do have natural peaks and troughs.
There are naturally things in life that are going to prove difficult to handle together. All relationships go through phases where things aren't as good as most of the time. So don't panic, accept it is normal and just relax. You only need to worry if there is something in the relationship that either abusive or the bad phase is clearly not a phase and is there to stay.
7. Know your boundaries but don't knit pick!
It's important to know from the offset what your boundaries are and to let that other person know what they are. Nowadays, we are living in a much more open society where people have different expectations out of a relationship so it is important that when you are starting to get serious, you both know what to expect.
On the other hand, some people take things too far and may overreact over little things. Let little comments and jokes here or there go, don't start getting overly offended by everything as long as the person meant no harm. I think it's so important in a relationship to not hold grudges and just to let things go because there are going to be times where you disagree and it is just so important to not get onto that cycle of "playing score" within the relationship.
8. Never stop dating and making an effort in your relationship
When we first meet and are in the "courting dating phase", we make extra effort. We really make the person feel listened to, we might dress up nicer and just make an effort to impress them. However, once you get a little bit more comfortable in your relationship that might start to dwindle. It is important to put aside time to still date each other, to go on dates ,to get dressed up and to try and impress each other again and really listen to what one another is saying.
I hope this blog post has helped you. This was adapted from a video I made on the topic so if you prefer to listen or would like the points explained a little more then watch this: